


The Angel of Thursday - "Despair" Alternate Ending

by LiteralTrash (looking_for_a_crossroads)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Season/Series 15 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/looking_for_a_crossroads/pseuds/LiteralTrash
Summary: Warning: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT UP TO DATE WITH SUPERNATURAL! Seriously, don't.Double warning: This is fully fledged, unabashed Destiel. Don't like it? Don't read it! This is not for you! Other than that, please enjoy :)My alternate ending for 15x18, because we all deserve it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	The Angel of Thursday - "Despair" Alternate Ending

-The Angel of Thursday-

Dean hadn't spoken in three days.

Sam had rushed to the bunker in a fevered panic, fearing the worst when Dean hadn't answered his calls. He had almost lost control of the Impala twice, his driving erratic and his hands trembling uncontrollably. He had exploded into the bunker in a flurry of limbs, tripping down the last three steps and catching himself at the bottom. He called his brother's name, once. Twice. Three times. He had almost lost count when he heard a weak tap on the armory wall. Sam steeled himself for a split-second at the door, not knowing what he would find when he opened it. He turned the handle.

His heart dropped to his feet for what seemed like the hundredth time that day when he saw Dean, and only Dean, sitting with his back against the cold brick wall, knees drawn up to his chest, head in his hands. A quick scan of the room showed Sam that Dean's cell phone had been thrown, lying in pieces on the floor. Dean raised his head at the sound of the door opening, his face stricken and tear-stained.

"Dean..." Sam whispered, his heart breaking to see his big brother, his protector, like this. He entered the room, taking note of the blood-stained rune work on the door behind him and the subsequent handprint on the shoulder of Dean's wrinkled jacket. Sam found his mouth opening of its own accord, a voice that didn't sound entirely like his reaching his ears. "Cas... is he...?" Dean swallowed harshly, and haltingly shook his head. "...Oh, God." Sam breathed out for the first time in what felt like hours, but it was far from one of relief. He sank to the floor next to his brother, the adrenaline finally seeping out of him and his legs no longer able to hold his weight. Dean looked at him, eyes full of grief.

"Sammy... I... I couldn't – " was all he could choke out before he broke completely. He let himself go, collapsing into Sam's shoulder, tears falling freely once more. Sam remained silent, strong arms simply holding Dean's shaking form while he sobbed. It wasn't long before he felt his own tears wet his cheeks, and he wept. For his brother's loss, for his best friend, for the first person he had allowed himself to truly love since Jessica...

For the fate of the whole world.

****

Dean hadn't spoken in three days.

It had been quiet since the end of the world began. No more disappearances, no more Billie, no sign of Chuck. Sam had begged Dean to eat, to sleep, to shower; even to take off his jacket with the last bloodstained memory of the angel. But it was like his brother was an empty shell, like a part of him had died and gone to the empty with Cas. The nights after were filled with nothing but a deafening, deadly silence, and the burn of alcohol that Dean hoped would help him feel something other than the crushing emptiness inside of him. Sam stayed by his side through it all, not making a single remark, not trying to make it better, just _being_ with him. He had never been more silently grateful for his brother's presence. When Dean grabbed the keys to the Impala, Sam followed him without a word. They drove in silence.

****

Dean breathed in the musty smell of the abandoned barn. Soft sunlight streamed through the broken slats in the roof, making the dust visible, dancing in the light. It had been so long since he was last here, though everything was in the exact place that he had left it. Glass littered the floor from exploded lights, an array of weapons lay on a splintered table in the corner, and a faded devil's trap lay in the direct centre of the floor. Sam stood next to him, both of them taking in the scene in their own way. After a while, Dean turned to him.

"Sammy, could I have – have, um..." he managed to mumble before his own voice cut him off. Sam understood immediately, not needing to hear the full sentence to know what he needed.

"Of course, Dean." He cupped a gentle hand to the back of his brother's head. "I'll be at the car." Dean nodded in reply, listening to Sam's receding footsteps. Crouching down, he ran a finger over the dried and peeling spray-paint on the floor, seeing the trench-coated angel enter the room as if it were a vivid dream. It was interrupted, however, by a more recent memory, one that was infinitely more painful.

_I love you._

Dean covered his face with his hands, fighting the urge to hit himself. Why hadn't he said anything? Why did he wait until it was too late? Why did he let his fears and self-doubt stop him from saying what he had been holding onto for years? It was stupid. He was stupid. Stupid, stupid, _stupid._ He heard movement behind him and took a breath, preparing to ask Sam to just give him a little more time, but froze in his tracks as he heard a voice that he was not prepared to hear ever again.

"Hello, Dean." Dean squeezed his eyes shut in horror. It hadn't even been a week and he was already hearing things. "...Dean." It came again. He took in a shuddering breath and covered his ears in some kind of childish hope that that would make it stop. It wasn't until he felt a hand on his back that he whipped around in a hurry, almost falling over in the process. Green eyes looked into blue in disbelief, a whispered "no" tumbling past his lips. Castiel smiled softly at him, feeling a pang of both fondness and sadness that he had found him here, where it had all started. Well, for him, anyway. Contrary to a few days ago, all words escaped Castiel in this situation. It almost felt as if being back here had reverted him to a previous version of himself. Except this time, nothing could stop the overwhelming outpouring of love he felt for the man in front of him. He broke the silence by raising an awkward hand in greeting.

"...Hey." Across from him, Dean stayed perfectly still, rigid, as if this were some cruel trick. Cas noted that Dean's voice sounded, strained, hoarse, as though he hadn't used it for days.

"...not real. You're not real." Was all he could make out from Dean's trembling figure. If it were possible, Cas softened his demeanour even more to account for Dean's condition. He took a slow step forward, watching sadly as Dean flinched and shied away.

"Dean. It's me. I'm really here." Dean stumbled back slightly, passing a hand over his eyes.

"Not you, please, not you... I can't do this." It seemed that Dean still believed he was completely delirious, hardly able to hold back the panic that was washing over him. Castiel advanced further, needing to get through to him.

"Dean, please. Look." Dean's back was against the rough wooden wall now, unable to back away any further, his eyes still closed tight. Castiel slowly reached out a hand, realising with a skip of his heart that Dean hadn't taken off the clothes he was wearing when it happened. Dean flinched again when Castiel's hand came in contact with his shoulder, placing his hand gently over the bloodstained handprint he had left, and the scar that lay underneath. Dean's eyes flew open when he felt the contact of real flesh, and not the cold nothingness he had been expecting. His mind cleared slightly, enough to really see what was in front of him. With a trembling hand, he gripped the wrist that was holding him, just to make sure. Through his foggy mind, only one word made it to the surface.

"Cas." Castiel nodded, his emotions overtaking him. He reached out his other hand and pulled Dean's limp body into his chest. Dean let it happen, any strength he had previously was gone now. He felt Castiel's wings wrap around him, the warmth slowly, slowly filling his soul that had felt so empty. They stayed like that for a while before Castiel realised that Dean was repeating his name, his body shaking with sobs. He hushed him gently, one hand rubbing his back soothingly. He felt a small resistance from Dean, and let him pull away. Dean's tear-soaked face looked into his before he could muster out a sentence.

"C-Cas... I thought – I thought... _How_?" Castiel smiled, appreciating Dean's immense effort to get his thoughts in order.

"I... don't know." He answered honestly. "I thought it was over. Everything was dark, and then... I was back. In heaven. But it wasn't the angels, they're just as confused as I am." Cas allowed a silence, realising amusedly that Dean's hands hadn't stopped gripping the front of his coat. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, knowing that if he didn't say what he needed to now, it would never happen.

"Dean, listen. About what I said... before. I – " He trailed off, surprised as Dean put a hand to his mouth to silence him.

"No, Cas. Wait. I need to say something." His breath caught in his chest. "Before... when you said those things. I didn't exactly have time to respond. Which was _rude_ , by the way," Dean felt his heart skip when he earned himself a breathy chuckle from Cas. He ploughed on. "Cas... you know by now I'm not good at the whole... _feelings_ thing... shut up." He interrupted himself as he watched Cas open his mouth to reply. "I guess for a long time I've been... scared," He swallowed, tears beginning to fall again unashamedly. "scared to admit what I really feel, what I have felt for a long time now. And that's no excuse, I know it's not... and I almost lost everything because of it, and I'm sorry." Castiel was looking at Dean in surprise.

"Dean..." He was cut off again.

"What I'm trying to say is..." Dean pulled Cas imperceptibly closer with the strong but trembling grip he had on his trench coat. "Shit, Cas, I love you too." He finished breathlessly. Castiel closed his eyes and smiled, revelling in the moment, but Dean was impatient, as in most other things. "Please say something." Castiel cupped a hand sweetly to the side of Dean's face, feeling him lean into the touch for the first time.

"I know," he laughed inwardly at the cliché of it all, but didn't care. "I always knew." Dean nodded, and this seemed to be enough before Cas slowly closed the gap between them. The kiss was soft and sweet, but at the same time seemed to make up for all the moments they had lost. Castiel felt Dean sigh in happy relief, all his emotions rushing into their embrace. Dean let his had tangle softly in Cas's hair, while the other entwined in Cas's other hand, feeling as though he would never let it go. Cas didn't know how long it had been before Dean slowly pulled away, but he felt the loss of his touch and looked at him concernedly.

"I need to breathe, dummy." Castiel laughed, properly this time, feeling all his nervous tension wash away in the act. A shadow crossed Dean's face, as if remembering their dire circumstances for the first time all week. "Cas...our friends... Chuck, he – " Castiel nodded in understanding, softly placing his forehead to Dean's.

"I know. I'm so sorry. But we'll figure it out. Together."

"That's all that matters." Dean whispered back. Castiel smiled before placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head. They both looked up as Sam's voice floated over to them from the opposite side of the barn.

"Dean, are you oka – " He stopped in his tracks as his eyes focussed on Castiel. Cas let his fingers slip away from Dean's as he walked toward Sam, Dean close behind.

"Hi, Sam. It's good to see you." Sam blinked hard, disbelieving.

"No... you were gone. The empty..." Cas nodded.

"...Didn't take?" He imitated the Winchester's aloofness in the face of death, shrugging his shoulders. This seemed to be all the confirmation Sam needed. He lurched forward and pulled Castiel into a bone-crushing hug. Cas returned it in earnest.

"We thought you were gone, man." Sam wiped his eyes on his sleeve, embarrassed.

"So did I, trust me. But I'm here now." Dean reached them, and Cas looped an arm around the older Winchester's waist and pulled him close. Dean, all energy depleted, let his head fall softly on the angel's shoulder. Sam looked at them both in amusement.

"So... that finally happened, huh?" Dean punched him in the shoulder.

"Bitch."

"Jerk." Sam shot back, smiling inwardly to himself. He had his brother back. "So, what now?" He queried, looking just as uncertain as the others. The silence was broken by Dean's stomach grumbling loudly. Castiel chuckled.

"I think some food is in order." Dean shrugged, feigning indifference.

"Fine by me." Sam looked behind him at his brother as they moved to leave.

"Hey. I can drive." He offered. Dean reached into his pocket without complaint and chucked Sam the keys to the Impala, not wanting to leave Castiel's side.

"Damn... that's a first." Sam teased.

"Shut up." The trio left the barn for what would be the last time, feelings of uncertainty thinly covered by relief of Cas's return. What was different this time, however, was the contentedness in the fact that whatever came at them, they would meet it together when it did.

_~The End ~_


End file.
